You can care deeply for someone and still need boundaries

Caring about others is often seen as a strength. Being the person who listens, supports, checks in, and shows up even when it’s hard is something many of us take pride in.

However, it’s important to remember that you can care deeply about someone and still need boundaries.

And needing boundaries does not make you selfish, uncaring, or weak.

When caring starts to cost too much

Many people, especially those in caring roles, leadership positions, or close relationships, quietly carry the emotional weight of others.

You might recognise it as:

• Feeling responsible for someone else’s mood or wellbeing
• Being the “go-to” person in a crisis
• Constantly putting your own needs last
• Feeling guilty for taking time, space, or rest

Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, anxiety, or burnout.

Supporting others shouldn’t come at the cost of your own wellbeing.

Boundaries are not walls — they’re safeguards

A boundary isn’t about shutting people out.
It’s about being clear on what you can reasonably give without harming yourself.

Healthy boundaries sound like:

• “I care about you, but I can’t be available 24/7.”
• “I want to support you, and I also need time to recharge.”
• “I’m not the right person to help with this — but I can help you find support.”

Boundaries allow care to be sustainable, not draining and without them, even the most compassionate people can reach a breaking point.

Why boundaries matter for mental health

When boundaries are missing, people often:

• Ignore early signs of stress or overload
• Feel trapped by responsibility
• Struggle to separate their identity from others’ needs
• Experience compassion fatigue

Setting boundaries protects your mental health and often improves the quality of support you’re able to give.

You show up more present, more patient, and more grounded.

Letting go of the guilt

One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries is the guilt.

But it’s worth remembering:

• You are not responsible for fixing other people
• Saying “no” does not erase your care
• Protecting your wellbeing is not a failure — it’s a necessity

You don’t have to burn yourself out to prove that you care.

Care includes yourself, too

True compassion includes compassion for yourself.

That means recognising your limits, listening to your own needs and allowing yourself to step back when supporting others starts to cost too much.

Caring about someone should never require sacrificing your own mental health and boundaries aren’t the opposite of care, they’re what make care possible in the long run.