Vicki Wootton-Champion

Making new year’s resolutions that support your mental health

Posted on 12th December 202412th December 2024 by Vicki Wootton-Champion

New Year’s Resolutions and Mental Health: A Thoughtful Approach

The start of a new year often brings a sense of hope and renewal, making it a popular time for setting resolutions. Many people view the new year as an opportunity to improve their lives, whether that’s through fitness goals, learning new skills, or breaking bad habits. However, when it comes to mental health, the pressure to make drastic changes can sometimes do more harm than good.

This year, instead of focusing on achieving perfection or meeting external expectations, strive to approach New Year’s resolutions with compassion and mindfulness. Here’s how you can make resolutions that support your mental health, rather than contributing to unnecessary stress.

Set Realistic and Compassionate Goals

When making New Year’s resolutions, it’s essential to be realistic. Set goals that are achievable and kind to yourself. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on progress. For example, rather than vowing to lose a specific amount of weight or achieve a certain physical appearance, set a goal like “I will move my body in a way that feels good to me” or “I will focus on nourishment and self-care this year.”

By setting realistic and compassionate goals, you’re more likely to feel empowered and less likely to experience disappointment or frustration.

Embrace Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism

Many people approach the new year with a sense of self-criticism, using resolutions as a way to “fix” themselves. This can create feelings of shame or guilt if things don’t go as planned. Instead, practice self-compassion. Understand that setbacks are normal, and it’s okay if you don’t meet every goal perfectly. Treat yourself with the same kindness and patience you would offer a friend.

Try reframing your resolutions to focus on self-compassion, like “I will be patient with myself when things don’t go as planned” or “I will celebrate my small wins and progress.”

Prioritise Mental Health Goals

Often, New Year’s resolutions focus on external achievements, but prioritising your mental health can lead to long-lasting fulfilment. Consider resolutions that nurture your emotional and psychological well-being, such as:

“I will take breaks when I need them.”
“I will practice mindfulness or meditation regularly.”
“I will reach out to loved ones for support when I need it.”
“I will seek professional help or counselling if needed.”

Focusing on mental health goals allows you to make self-care a priority, and helps you build a foundation for greater well-being throughout the year.

Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others

New Year’s resolutions often come with the pressure to live up to the success and achievements of others. Social media, especially, can amplify feelings of comparison. But remember that everyone’s journey is different. Instead of measuring your progress against others, focus on your personal growth. Celebrate the small wins, and acknowledge how far you’ve come, even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s path.

Try setting goals that reflect what you need, rather than what others expect. “I will do what feels best for my life and my well-being” is a powerful, affirming resolution.

Allow Flexibility and Room for Growth

Resolutions don’t have to be rigid. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things won’t go according to plan. Allow yourself flexibility in your goals. For instance, if you’re trying to develop a habit, but you miss a day or two, don’t let it derail your entire resolution. Embrace the journey of growth rather than focusing on a final destination.

“Progress, not perfection” is a great mantra to carry with you throughout the year.

Celebrate Your Achievements, Big and Small

A key part of mental health is acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Whether you successfully practiced mindfulness for a few minutes each day or made time for a hobby that brings you joy, take time to celebrate these moments. Each step forward is progress, and each achievement is worth acknowledging.

Instead of focusing solely on the end goal, take pride in the process and the personal growth that comes with it.

Be Kind to Yourself in Times of Struggle

Even with the best intentions, there will be moments when things don’t go as planned. This is completely normal. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or discouraged, take a step back and breathe. Acknowledge that it’s okay to struggle, and don’t let it define your progress.

During these times, remember that your worth is not determined by your resolutions or how well you meet them. You are worthy of love, respect, and care simply because you are you.

New Year’s resolutions can be a wonderful tool for growth, but it’s essential to approach them with a mindset that prioritises your mental health. Instead of focusing on perfection or rigid goals, focus on progress, self-compassion, and balance. Your resolutions should support you, not add pressure or stress to your life.

As you move into the new year, remember that taking care of yourself—emotionally, mentally, and physically—is the most important resolution you can make. You are enough, and you deserve a year filled with kindness, growth, and peace.

Setting Boundaries with Family at Christmas Time

Posted on 12th December 202412th December 2024 by Vicki Wootton-Champion

Setting Boundaries with Family at Christmas Time for Your Mental Health

The festive season is often portrayed as a time of joy, family togetherness, and celebration. However, for many people, the pressure to meet these expectations can be overwhelming. Family dynamics can be complicated, and when it comes to Christmas, emotions often run high. Navigating these moments while maintaining your mental well-being requires one important tool: boundaries.

Setting boundaries with family members during Christmas may feel uncomfortable or even unnatural, especially when there’s an unspoken expectation to be cheerful and fully present. But the reality is, your mental health should always come first. Creating healthy boundaries with family during this festive time is not only necessary for your well-being but can also lead to more authentic and enjoyable connections with your loved ones. Here’s how you can set boundaries this Christmas to protect your mental health.

Recognise the Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are not about building walls or creating distance; they are about protecting your energy, time, and emotions. They allow you to define what is and isn’t acceptable in your interactions with others. During Christmas, you might feel the pressure to please everyone or to participate in every event, but the reality is that this is not always possible.

Acknowledge that it’s okay to set limits on how much you give to others, whether that’s emotionally, physically, or even financially. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary. If you aren’t mindful of your own needs, you may end up feeling drained, anxious, or resentful.

Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly

One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries with family is simply communicating them. You don’t need to explain yourself in exhaustive detail, but being clear and direct about what you need will help everyone involved understand your position. Whether it’s limiting the amount of time you spend at a family gathering, taking breaks during the event, or even setting expectations for the types of conversations you’re willing to engage in, be upfront.

For example, if you need a break from socialising, you might say, “I’m going to step outside for a few minutes to recharge.” Or, if you’re not comfortable discussing certain topics, you can politely express that: “I’d prefer to avoid talking about politics today—let’s focus on the good stuff.”

Being direct with your family can set the tone for healthier interactions, and it helps to reduce the anxiety that often comes from trying to please everyone.

Learn to Say No

One of the most powerful tools for maintaining your mental health during the festive season is the ability to say “no.” It might sound simple, but saying “no” can feel like a monumental task when it comes to family obligations, especially during Christmas.

Whether it’s attending an event you’re not comfortable with, taking on extra responsibilities, or agreeing to engage in conversations that drain you, saying no is your right. You don’t need to justify your decision or feel guilty. A polite but firm “I can’t do that this year” is enough.

When you prioritise your own well-being, you send a clear message that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s. If you’re feeling burnt out, taking the time to say no allows you to recharge and avoid unnecessary stress.

Be Prepared for Pushback

Unfortunately, not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries immediately, and that’s okay. Some family members may push back or even guilt you for setting limits. You might hear comments like, “It’s Christmas! Why can’t you just enjoy it?” or “You’re being selfish by not attending everything.” These reactions can be difficult to handle, but it’s important to stick to your boundaries.

If you face resistance, try to remain calm and assertive. Repeat your boundary as necessary, and don’t get drawn into guilt-inducing arguments. For example, if someone questions why you’re not attending an event, you can say, “I’m taking some time to focus on my mental health this year, and that means skipping some events. I hope you understand.”

Having a prepared response can help you stay grounded and assertive in the face of pressure.

Prioritise Self-Care

Taking time for self-care during the festive season is crucial, especially when you’re managing family dynamics. Make sure to carve out time for activities that help you feel recharged, whether that’s going for a walk, meditating, reading, or simply taking a nap. You don’t have to be “on” all the time, and it’s okay to take moments for yourself to reflect, breathe, and reset.

Remember, you are allowed to put your needs first. If things are feeling overwhelming, take a step back and remind yourself that it’s okay to rest.

Plan an Exit Strategy

Sometimes, family gatherings can be intense, and it’s important to have a plan for when you need to leave. Setting a time limit on how long you’ll stay at an event can help manage your expectations and prevent burnout. Having a clear exit strategy allows you to exit gracefully and avoid lingering in an uncomfortable situation.

If things become too overwhelming, it’s okay to leave early. If you feel anxious or mentally drained, excuse yourself politely, and remember that your well-being comes first.

Seek Support When Needed

If you’re finding it difficult to navigate family boundaries during Christmas, seeking support can be incredibly helpful. Talk to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a counsellor who can provide guidance and help you process any emotions or challenges you’re facing. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can make a world of difference.

If your mental health feels at risk, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Your therapist can help you develop strategies for setting and maintaining boundaries, and can also support you if things don’t go as planned.

Setting boundaries during the Christmas season isn’t about rejecting family or the spirit of the season—it’s about preserving your mental health so that you can engage with others in a healthier, more balanced way. By communicating your needs, saying no when necessary, and taking time for self-care, you can ensure that Christmas remains a time of joy and connection, rather than stress and burnout.

Remember, you deserve to enjoy Christmas in a way that feels right for you. Setting boundaries isn’t easy, but it’s one of the most important gifts you can give yourself during this busy time. By doing so, you’ll be in a better place to connect with your family and enjoy the season while maintaining your peace of mind.

Surviving grief at Christmas

Posted on 20th November 202420th November 2024 by Vicki Wootton-Champion

A Guide to surviving grief at Christmas

Christmas can be a joyful time of year filled with celebrations, laughter, and togetherness. However, for many, it can also bring up feelings of sadness, loneliness, and grief. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, struggling with past trauma, or coping with the absence of family members, the festive season can amplify those emotions.

If you’re facing grief this Christmas, you’re not alone. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and take steps to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Here’s a guide to help you navigate grief during the holiday season.

Acknowledge Your Grief

The first step in surviving grief at Christmas is to accept and acknowledge your emotions. Grief is complex, and it may look different from one person to the next. You might feel sadness, anger, frustration, or even numbness. All of these feelings are valid.

Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. It’s okay to miss your loved ones and mourn their absence. Trying to push these emotions aside can make the grief harder to manage. Instead, allow yourself to experience your emotions without guilt or shame.

Set Realistic Expectations

Christmas can often feel like a time when everything is supposed to be perfect, but it’s okay to lower your expectations during the festive season. If you’re grieving, it may not feel like it’s the “most wonderful time of the year,” and that’s alright.

Don’t pressure yourself to be happy or participate in everything. If hosting large family gatherings or attending festive parties feels overwhelming, it’s okay to skip them. You don’t need to live up to anyone else’s idea of a perfect Christmas. Focus on what feels right for you.

Create New Traditions or Adjust Existing Ones

While it’s natural to want to hold onto the traditions that bring comfort, this might also be a time to create new ones. You can’t replace your loved one, but you can honour them by incorporating them into new traditions.

Memorialise your loved one: Light a candle in their memory or share stories about them with people that loved them.
Start a self-care tradition: Spend time focusing on your well-being—whether that’s taking a peaceful walk, meditating, journaling, or indulging in your favourite activity.
Volunteer or give back: Helping others can be a meaningful way to cope with grief. Consider volunteering at a local charity, helping those less fortunate, or giving to a cause your loved one cared about.

Remember, creating new traditions doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one—it means keeping their spirit alive in a way that feels right for you.

Reach Out for Support

Grief can make you feel isolated, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Christmas is a time when we often want to be around others, but the pressure to socialise can feel daunting. Instead of isolating yourself, consider reaching out to people you trust. Whether it’s friends, family, or a support group, talking about your feelings can help.

You may also want to consider seeking professional support. A therapist or grief counsellor can offer tools and strategies to help you process your grief in a healthy way.

Online support groups can also be a great option if you’re feeling too overwhelmed to attend in-person meetings. Many people find comfort in sharing their stories with others who truly understand what they’re going through.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Grief can take a toll on your physical health, so it’s important to prioritise self-care during the festive season. Make sure to eat well, get enough sleep, and stay hydrated. Physical activity, even something as simple as a daily walk, can help alleviate feelings of sadness and stress.

If you’re finding it hard to get out of bed or feel emotionally exhausted, don’t be hard on yourself. Grief takes energy, and your body is processing a lot. Be gentle with yourself and listen to your needs.

Limit Social Media and External Pressures

Christmas can often feel like a race for perfection, with social media highlighting picture-perfect family gatherings and flawless celebrations. If scrolling through these posts makes you feel worse, it’s okay to step back. You don’t need to compare your experience with anyone else’s.

Take a break from social media if it becomes overwhelming. Focus on your own healing journey, and remember that everyone’s path to coping with grief is different.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel Joy

While it might be difficult to imagine, it’s okay to experience moments of joy during the holidays. You’re not dishonouring your loved one by laughing, smiling, or finding peace in the season. Healing doesn’t mean you forget your grief—it means you learn to balance it with moments of peace and happiness when they come.

Be kind to yourself, and allow joy to enter your heart even in small ways. Whether it’s enjoying a cup of hot cocoa, watching your favourite Christmas movie, or savouring a beautiful winter walk, these moments of lightness can help you navigate grief while still honouring your emotions.

Grief is not something that can be “fixed” by Christmas. It’s a process that takes time, and every individual experiences it differently. This Christmas, take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with those who understand, create new traditions that bring comfort, and allow yourself to grieve as you need.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to navigate grief, and it’s okay to ask for help. Take care of yourself this season, and know that you’re not alone in your journey.

Resources:

If you’re struggling with grief, here are some helpful resources:

www.childbereavementuk.org

You are not alone.

Tough Enough To Care